Bad Day
by ScuroAngelo
Summary: DuoHeero Friendship. Duo and Heero have an interesting conversation.
1. On the phone

**Pairings** - 1+2 friendship  
**Disclaimer** - Don't own 'em.  
**Warnings** - Bad language. Dialogue fic. Unbetaed. _anyone... anyone?_  
**Author's Notes** - Uhm yeah. Phone call between Heero and Duo. Fic is currently nameless.

_Ring._

"Yuy speaking."

"I just had the shittiest day of my life. I seriously think God has some monsterous grudge against me I just haven't figured out yet."

"You need to come over?"

"Hell yeah. Now okay?"

"I did offer, Duo. What do you need?"

"Pizza, beer, and a movie. Preferably with aliens."

"Damn. That is bad."

"I know, I haven't needed anything more than pizza since Quatre's Christmas party. Remember, the thing with Hilde, the tequila, and the macarena?"

"How on earth could I forget, you stayed over for like a week and practically ate me out of my house. What in God's name happened this time?"

"Jesus, Yuy, _I_ haven't even finished processing it yet. Anyhow, I'd probably use the rest of this month's phone bill trying to explain. Let me just tell you... the highlight of my day was either getting my ass slapped by that creepy new kid in Chem, burning my hand making oatmeal this morning, or coming home and getting a chunk the size of Texas bit out of my hand by that satanic rodent."

"...What did you do to make Flopsy bite you?"

"_Nothing!_ I was just putting some of that new rabbit food in his cage, you know that "Happy Rabbit" shit we bought last week, and he bit me!"

"He probably thought you were a carrot or something."

"My finger does not look like a fucking carrot. The rabbit is just a demon from the bowels of hell. Why did I buy that long-eared beast again?"

"Because you have a guilt complex and when you hit a "poor, innocent rabbit" driving home from Illinois you decided you needed to buy another rabbit to atone for it."

"That's fucking retarded. Some best friend you are, you should have talked me out of such a stupid idea. Now I'm going to get fucking rabies."

"..."

"I swear to God, Yuy, that laugh actually passes your lips and I'll kick your ass so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week."

"Laugh, what laugh? I would never laugh at you... The pizza will be here in fifteen minutes. Pepporoni and pineapple, right?"

"Ah, _that's_ why you're my best friend. My favorite! I'll be there in ten if I don't get into some freak accident on the way there. Anything about flash floods, tornadoes, or perhaps King Kong in the news lately?"

"No, Duo."

"Right, see you in ten then. Unless some terrorist decides to bomb the subway. Don't be surprised if I never show up. And Flopsy needs his cage cleaned every two days."

"..."

"Oh, shut the hell up you bastard. Bye."

"Aa."

_Click._


	2. At the house

**Pairings** - 1+2 friendship, up until the end.  
**Disclaimer** - I cry myself to sleep every night, but I still don't own them.  
**Warnings** - Bad language. Unfortunately, unbetaed.  
**Author's Notes** - I hate cats. Sequel to Duo's Bad Day phone call fic.

"Duo! Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be here two hours ago!"

"H'ro. Leggo. It's gettin' kinda hard to breathe."

"...Sorry."

"Fucking bad day. Is that a hole in your carpet? Geez Heero, chill. Quit pacing. I'm right here."

"What took you so long? And you're dripping on carpet."

"Well, I thought I'd walk. You only live ten minutes-- Heero, stop giving me that look. I know, I know. Stupid. Now shut up. Anyways, I was walking and when I was halfway there, it started raining. So I thought I'd stop at 'Cathy's Cafe'..."

"Duo. It was pouring. You should have gone home and got your car. Or at least an umbrella. Gods, what is that smell? Duo. You smell like dog piss."

"...Shut up. I went to the cafe cause I figured it was halfway, what's the point, and I thought maybe Hilde would be working and she'd get me a towel and a free mocha, good deal, right? Well, she wasn't there, it was some trainee serving me. I swear Heero, I have got no clue how 'mocha' and 'strawberry creme' sound even nearly the same, but that's what I got. I figure that since my day had already been nightmarishly hellish, the worst a strawberry creme was going to do was make me look like a pussy."

"..."

"You can stop laughing anytime now, jerk. Well, I was drinking my strawberry creme and the door of the cafe flew open and who came in? Some fucking thieves. Guns and skiimasks and all that jazz. I swear, I might have shown a bit more mercy if they hadn't scared the waitress next to me into spilling her entire tray of coffee on my lap."

"What did you do..."

"Eh, nothing too bad. Just knocked the one guy out and bound the other to a chair, this nice old man leant me his tie. ...Come on man, don't look at me like that. It's not like I carry my cuffs around with me."

"Well, that explains the smell. What took you so long after that?"

"Stupid police took me in for questioning. Didn't even get to finish my damn drink. And they wouldn't believe that I was Preventors! Something about the hair being too long for regs. They called Une at the office, but apparently she's out with flu. Along with the rest of the damn organization. So they called her at home and let me tell you! She was not very happy that we interrupted her X-Files Marathon."

"X-Files?"

"Yeah, that show that comes on the oldies channel all the time. I could recognize Mulder's voice anyday. I think she was watching my favorite episode, actually, the one with the tobacco beetles and the lungs--"

"Duo."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Stay on topic. Anyhow, Une confirmed that I was Preventors and the police were all apologetic and shit but they still took like an hour to question me. I know, I should have called. Sorry, 'Ro, didn't have my cell with me and they didn't seem inclined to let me use the phone. 'Specially once they figured out I was 02... That was nasty."

"What do you mean?"

"Eh. Seems the police officer leant more toward Oz than Gundams during the war, ya know? After a few degrading marks about my heritage and sexuality I managed to shut him up. Oh 'Ro, I told you to stop looking at me like that. I didn't do anything _that_ bad. But I did end up having to walk the rest of the way here..."

"Shit, Duo! That's like two miles!"

"...I noticed. I honestly don't believe it's possible to get anymore soaked than I did. And all these dogs kept coming up and sniffing my crotch cause of the coffee. I hate fucking animals."

"Which is why you have a rabbit, three cats, and a dog?"

"Quit being an asshole. Speaking of those damn cats, you know what one of them did? After you hung up, I went to go find my wallet in my room, and you know what I found? One of the damn beasts had decided it's be fun to take a dump on my bed. Now I'm gonna have to sleep on the damn couch! I'm gonna cut that's stupid cat's tail off."

"If you didn't have a guilt complex, you wouldn't have a cat."

"Quit being so fucking logical. Now where's the pizza?"

"Duo, it's been two hours. The damn pizza is freezing and probably tastes like shit."

"Damn! Movie?"

"I've got Galaxy Quest?"

"We watched that last time. But I suppose it'll have to do. ...Damn, this is pathetic. Hilde was right. I need to get laid."

"...That a request?"

"That an offer?"

"..."

"Oh, I like the way your mind works, 'Ro. Well, how about we pass on the movie..."

"Deal."


	3. Another call

**Pairings** - 1+2.  
**Disclaimer** - Still don't own them.  
**Warnings** - Bad languaged. Discussion of sexual situations.  
**Author's Notes** - Heero's calling Duo this time...

_Ring._

"Maxwell here. Minesweeper Consultant and Solitare Expert, at your service."

"Baka."

"Oh, good to hear from you, buddy! How's it going?"

"..."

"So, I take it that means not good?"

"..."

"Oh. _Very_ not good. What's wrong, pal?"

"I would get arrested if I hung Lucas by his ankles from the gym ceiling for a couple days and then proceeded to strangle, draw, and quarter him, wouldn't I?"

"Uhm, yeah, buddy. You probably would. Don't think a Preventor's badge could get you outta that one. And who the hell's Lucas anyways?"

"...You don't know who Lucas is?"

"No way, man, I seem to be drawing a blank. Should I?"

"Seeing as it is his life's goal to get into your pants, I'd say so."

"Oh, you mean that creepy perv in Chemistry actually has a name?"

"He's been telling it to you every day since he transferred into our class."

"I really don't remember. I guess I'm gettin' better at this tuning people out shit. Anyhow, I've got much more interesting things to think about during Chemistry. Like--"

"Duo. I can _hear_ that smirk and I definitely do not want to know what you think about in Chemistry. I have no idea how you could ignore the stuff he's been saying to you."

"Jesus, it's really that bad?"

"Would I say it was if it wasn't?"

"Awh, man. I hate it when you do that. Answer a question with a question, I mean. Now why do you want to strangle Lucas? That's his name, right?"

"...I can't believe you."

"You didn't answer my question."

"You sound like Relena when you use that sing-song voice."

"Awh, 'Ro, she's gotten a lot better since the wars. She even has some good ideas when we have game night. Wasn't she the one who suggested strip poker last--"

"Duo."

"You just don't wanna talk about it 'cause _I_ won."

"..."

"Jesus, 'Ro, that's like the third time tonight! Now tell me what's bugging you before I come over and _make_ you. Actually, now that I think about it, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea..."

"How could you not have remembered Lucas's name? Every day, at the beginning of class--"

"Oh! I remember now! Didn't he say something about it being the name I'd be screaming when he finally got me into bed? Lucas Matthew Johnson."

"I think he was a little more subtle."

"Not much. ...No way, 'Ro, don't tell me _that's_ what's been buggin' you!"

"Mmymmeahmph."

"Uhmm... Didn't quite catch that, buddy."

"...Yeah."

"Heero Yuy, I think _you're_ the baka."

"What?"

"The only name I'm gonna be screaming is **yours**. Cause **you're** gonna be the only one gettin' me into bed in the first place. I love **you**, not some creep in Chem."

"...You said something about wanting to come over?"

"I think I remember saying something along those lines... And I do have to pick up those pants I left last time, you get all the coffee stains out?"

"The... coffee stains are gone."

"You're the best, man. Ten minutes?"

"Ten minutes. If you go over fifteen I'm coming to the Police Station to find you. And Duo?"

"Yeah, 'Ro?"

"Tell Lucas if he lays a hand on you, I'll break it off."

"Oh, if you glare at him the way you glared at _me_ that first time we met, I won't have to."

"..."

"I think if I could see that smirk, 'Ro, I'd be creeped out."

"Ten."

_Click._


End file.
